After continually being told to ‘use his words’ as a child, Thomas Mitchell took that advice on board and ran with it. Since then his words have appeared all over the place, including in The Sydney Morning Herald, Time Out, The Huffington Post, The New York Times and GQ. A full-time writer, Thomas spends his days googling synonyms and trying not to overstay his welcome at the local cafe. His new book is called Today I F****d Up, a collection of tall tales but true that are equal parts hilarious and horrifying; a timely reminder that no matter how terrible things get, they could always be worse. So much worse.
Today, Thomas Mitchell is on the blog to take on our Ten Terrifying Questions! Read on …
1. To begin with, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself – where were you born? Raised? Schooled?
I was born in Bankstown, NSW and then moved to the Sutherland Shire when I was young, I think around 4 or 5. I’m half Greek, and there were LOADS of Greeks in the Bankstown back then, so it was a bit of a shift turning up in the Shire.
I undoubtedly had the most adventurous lunch box at school – amidst the vegemite-sandwich-no-crust crowd, I was rocking up with moussaka, pastitsio, and two to three dips. Full spread.
I went to Caringbah High School and then studied journalism at the University of Wollongong.
2. What did you want to be when you were twelve, eighteen and thirty? And why?
Twelve: I wanted to be a footballer for Manchester United, and I wasn’t going to allow a clear lack of athleticism/ability derail my dreams. I think I had a man-crush on David Beckham and even made my own fanzine (so weird in retrospect). The fanzine actually should’ve been a solid clue as to where I’d end up…
Eighteen: I took a year off after school to work in a post office, so I can confidently declare I did not want to work in the postal service.
I was drinking a lot of black coffee (which I hate) and reading a lot of Jack Kerouac (which I still don’t mind)because I was 18 and that’s what you do.
I knew I wanted to be a writer in some form, but I wasn’t sure in what form, so I just attached myself to the Jack Kerouac bandwagon. But exploring Big Sur is pretty different to sitting outside Edgecliff Post Office on your lunch break.
Thirty: I have been thirty for one year now (I am 31 for those playing at home). At 30, I worked as a full-time freelance writer, and it was probably the happiest I’ve been, work-wise. Then COVID came and wiped the freelance world clean, but then I wrote a book! So, swings and roundabouts.
3. What strongly held belief did you have at eighteen that you do not have now?
That I needed to drink black coffee to seem interesting or mysterious, I like milk, and that’s OK.
4. What are three works of art – film, book or piece of music, etc – that you can now say had a great effect on you and influenced your career?
The Book of Joe, Jonathan Tropper: I recently re-read this book, and while it didn’t quite spark in me what it once did, it was nice to revisit. It’s not my favourite book; it’s not the best book I’ve ever read by any stretch. But I first read The Book of Joe when I was 17, and it made me feel like I wanted to try and write, and that’s a big moment.
It’s about a guy who grows up in a smalltown that he hates. He moves to the city, writes a book savaging his hometown and that book becomes a wildly successful bestseller (and movie). Then his dad dies, and he has to return home to face the people he burned.
It mixes family, community, sex, relationships and the tension that bubbles away when time takes you away from the place that made you. I’ve always explored that stuff too, and I can probably trace that back to this book.
The Messenger, Markus Zusak: Before he became Markus Zusak, Markus was a casual teacher at the school across the road from mine. He taught with my godmother, and she would pass on all his books to me when I was at school. I loved his early stuff, The Underdog, Fighting Ruben Wolfe, it was the first time I felt like I could hear the world I grew up in on the page. But The Messenger stuck with me the most because it cherry-picked the things I loved to read about and stuffed them into one book. It’s all about this guy Ed who is an underdog; I think he describes himself as mediocre. Who doesn’t feel like that sometimes? And it’s beautifully suburban, the way Zusak writes about suburban Australia is almost unrivalled for me.
Growing up, I spent a lot of time walking the streets, and I suspect Markus did too. He nails the magic you find in the burbs.
The Office (British): To me, few TV series can really claim to be genius, but The Office is up there. Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant can find the comedy in a scene or moment that others can’t, and their characters are so well developed. Must-see for anyone who wants to write anything remotely funny.
5. Considering the innumerable avenues open to you, why did you choose to write this book?
Today I F****D Up first came about during COVID. A former editor of mine had recently started a new job with Simon & Schuster, and we were talking about the sad state of the world and how everyone needed a laugh.
Then we started to talk about how funny it is to find joy in other people’s misfortune (don’t pretend like it’s not). She had always loved this anecdote I had about this horrific day I had experienced when I first went out to meet my girlfriend’s grandparents on their family farm. It was just a comedy of errors; everything that could go wrong did go wrong.
So that was the seed for bringing together these series of stories about people just failing spectacularly.
6. Please tell us about your book!
When a trip to meet my new girlfriends’ grandparents ends in disaster (involving a crashed ute, angry wasp and man with a shotgun), I learned one thing for sure: bad days make for great stories.
With that mission in mind, I convinced a bunch of people to share their most glorious screw-ups of all time. The result is Today I F****D Up: a collection of true tales that are equal parts hilarious and horrifying.
Be prepared to pick your jaw up off the floor as you read about the Tinder date that begins with a cat attack and nearly ends in an amputation.
Or how about the pair of medical students who find themselves lost in the jungle, after accidentally drinking a hallucinogen?
Then there’s the job interview which gets derailed by a dental disaster, a young woman who accidentally has sex in the same bedroom as her mum, and the poor soul who gets trapped in an elevator shaft. After being fired from his job. On his birthday.
Feeling better yet?
Today I F****d Up is a timely reminder that no matter how terrible things get, they could always be worse. So much worse.
7. What do you hope people take away with them after reading your book?
While we might not like to admit it, we can’t help but find a sneaky pleasure in other people’s misfortune.
Turns out there’s a word for this feeling. Actually, there are a few words. The Ancient Greeks called it epichairekakia while, in French, they refer to joie maligne or malignant joy. But perhaps the most famous of all definitions is Schadenfreude – a compound of the German nouns Schaden, meaning “damage” and Freude, meaning “joy.”
Schadenfreude, the act of deriving pleasure in another’s pain and suffering, is not a new phenomenon. Stroll any gallery, and you’ll see artworks from every century depicting scenes of delight amongst disaster.
In the modern age, Schadenfreude continues to go from strength to strength. It’s the reason fail compilations rack up millions of views on YouTube or television shows like Funniest Home Videos exist at all.
Deep down we’re addicted to the downfall of our fellow humans, and if there was ever a point in history when we needed a laugh, it’s now.
8. Who do you most admire in the realm of writing and why?
David Sedaris, for saying what I’m always thinking but in a smarter and funnier way. Oh, and his distinctive tone. There’s no mistaking when you’re reading David Sedaris.
Ottessa Moshfegh, for her weirdly hypnotic storytelling.
Rachel Cusk, for her razor-sharp observations.
9. Many artists and entrepreneurs set themselves very ambitious goals. What are yours?
I’d like to finally understand what people mean when they talk about ‘negative gearing.’ It seems to come up in so many conversations with people my age, and I just nod, and sometimes I even say it too, but I have no idea what it means.
10. Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?
If you’re going to write a book, I highly recommend doing it during a global pandemic when you’ve just lost all your work. The calendar is clear, pubs are shut, and no one can hang out. All that’s left to do is write, write, write.
Thank you for playing!
—Today I F****ed Up by Thomas Mitchell (Simon & Schuster Australia) is out now.
Today I F****ed Up
Limited Signed Copies Available!
When a trip to meet his new girlfriend’s grandparents ends in disaster (think a crashed ute, an angry wasp and a cranky farmer with a shotgun), Thomas Mitchell knows one thing for sure: bad days make for great stories.
While we might not like to admit it, we can't help but find a sneaky pleasure in other people's misfortune. It's the reason fail compilations rack up millions of views on YouTube or television shows like Funniest Home Videos exist at all. Deep down we're addicted to the downfall of our fellow humans...
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