Its All Your Fault

Contents

I. Coming Attractions

1. The Preview

2. Why Should You Listen to Us?

II. Picking Your Poison

3. Assisting a Star: Feeling Julia Roberts's Pain

4. Assisting a Director: Lights! Camera! Protein Shake!

5. Assisting an Agent or Manager: How to be Satan's Handmaiden

6. Assisting a Producer: The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

7. Assisting a Studio Executive: An Ideal Job for Someone in the Witness Protection Program

III. Finding Your Place Among the Stars

8. What to Do If Your Last Name Isn't Spielberg

9. Padding Your Résumé: It's No Less Ethical Than the Wonderbra

10. Internships: How to Gain Valuable Experience While Xeroxing

11. Congratulations on Your New Job

12. Moving In: Life at the Bottom of the Hollywood Hills

IV. It's All Your Fault!

What Your Job Really Entails

13. Meet the Telephone, Your New Best Friend

14. Don't Look a Gift Basket in the Mouth

15. The Art of the Meeting

16. How to (Not) Read a Script

17. When Pigs Fly: The Art of Hollywood Travel

18. You'll Never Reschedule Lunch in This Town Again

19. The Domestic Drama: Even Michelle Pfeiffer's Toilet Floods

V. The Wrap Party

20. Sex, Drugs, and Other Work-Related Issues

21. From Under the Red Carpet: Assistant Life at a Hollywood Premiere

22. NYC vs. L.A.: Central Park vs. Valet Park

23. www.assistant.calm: The Hollywood Wide Web

24. It's Not Just a Job...It's an Adventure in Codependency

25. Frequently Annoying Questions

26. Roll End Credits: The Recap