Introduction xi
Part 1 Why You Should Lead Your Relationships 1
Chapter 1 The Role of Relationships in Business 5
My Clients Have Already Answered These Questions for Me 8
This Is Why Companies Should Care About Relationships 10
First, Make Sure You Have the Capacity to Build Relationships 11
Good Relationships Are Crucial to Business Success 13
The High Cost of Low Trust 17
The Health of Our Relationships Has Real Physiological Effects 18
Good Relationships Are Vital to an Organization Accomplishing Their Work 19
Chapter 2 What Builds Great Relationships? 21
What Actions Establish, Increase, and Destroy Trust? 24
What Is It Like to Work in a Low-Trust Environment? 28
Chapter 3 What Gets in the Way of Building Great Relationships? 33
The Ego Is Your Best Survival Tool and Your Biggest Obstacle 35
Relationships Have to Meet the Needs of Both Parties 42
Games and Competition 45
Part 2 How You Should Lead Your Relationships: The Five Levels of Maturity 49
Chapter 4 Level One: Recognizing and Acknowledging People 55
Let the Games Begin! 58
What If Everything Isn’t Fine Between Us? 63
You Don’t Automatically Start at Level One, You Have to Reach It 65
Are You Saying 68
Chapter 5 Level Two: Exchanging Facts and Honoring Agreements 73
Exchanging Facts 75
Honoring Agreements 81
Addressing Broken Agreements Without Damaging the Relationship 84
The Broken Agreement Script: The Four-Part Response for Addressing a Broken Agreement 92
Broken Agreement Examples 98
Conditions for Addressing a Broken Agreement 99
A Dead Moose: A Problem You Can’t Ignore 100
Serial Broken Agreements 105
Playground Rules Don’t Apply Here 107
Chapter 6 Level Three: Navigating Differing Opinions 109
Differing Opinions on Business Strategy: Build a Business Case 114
When Business Case and Mission Clash 119
Chapter 7 Level Four: Playing to Strengths and Working Around Weaknesses 123
Admitting Mistakes and Apologizing When Necessary 126
The Negativity Bias 131
Concentrate on Strengths, Work Around Weaknesses 134
Giving Positive and Corrective Feedback 143
Common Feedback Pitfalls 145
Conditions for Delivering Corrective Feedback 152
The Corrective Feedback Script 157
Receiving Feedback Graciously 167
Chapter 8 Level Five: Understanding Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivators 173
Whys and Wants 176
Level Five Comes with High Stakes 181
When Level Five Is Nonnegotiable 182
Part 3 Use the Five Levels of Maturity as a Leadership Handbook 187
Chapter 9 Managing the Maturity Level of Others 189
What Are Your Relationship Biases? 192
Can You Coach Someone to a Higher Level of Maturity? 194
What to Do If Someone Fails 195
Knowing Which Relationships You Can Take to a Higher Level 198
Chapter 10 What Can Level Five Do for You? 201
Brand Yourself as a Level Five Leader 203
Why Do You Feel Threatened? 206
A Leader Doesn’t Try to Win in a Relationship 208
The Best Criteria for Promotions 209
Succession Planning 215
Level Five Leadership Embraces Change 216
Incorporate These Concepts into All Your Relationships 219
Appendix A: The Concentric Circles of Leadership Model 221
Appendix B: The Dos and Don’ts of the Five Levels of Maturity 225
Notes 227
Acknowledgments 229
About the Author 231
Index 233