My Thinning Years : Starving the Gay Within - Jon Derek Croteau

My Thinning Years

Starving the Gay Within

By: Jon Derek Croteau

Paperback | 5 August 2014

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During the coronavirus pandemic, for a variety of reasons, not everybody will seek refuge with their families of origin. Jon Croteau's story of finding and defining himself apart from his upbringing will resonate with everyone who is sustained by the support and love of the people we choose as true family.

Jon Derek Croteau brings a heady mixture of raw emotion, pathos, and humor to his powerful journey from self-hatred and punishment to self-affirmation and healing as a gay man in My Thinning Years.

As a child, Jon tried desperately to be his father's version of the all-American boy, denying his gayness in a futile attempt to earn the love and respect of an abusive man. With this he built a deep, internalized homophobia that made him want to disappear rather than live with the truth about himself. That denial played out in the forms of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive running, which consumed him as an adolescent and young adult.It wasn't until a grueling yet transformative Outward Bound experience that Jon began to face his sexual identity. This exploration continued as he entered college and started the serious work of sorting through years of repressed anger to separate from his father's control and condemnation.My Thinning Years is an inspiring story of courage, creativity, and the will to live--and of recreating the definition of family to include friends, relatives, and teachers who support you in realizing your true self.In 1996, Jon wrote a song dreaming about finding a love and being able to live openly and freely. The song lyrics are in My Thinning Years and he recorded the song this summer with Broadway great Miguel Cervantes for others to hear. The song is available on iTunes and Spotify and profits will benefit The Trevor Project.
Industry Reviews
Croteau s courageous disclosure of his arduous journey toward self-acceptance is especially relevant for many gay men who have been disenfranchised from their families of origin. This book also illuminates the realities of male eating disorders, adding considerably to the literature on anorexia, still wrongly perceived a solely a female disease.
--John Killacky, The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide
I canceled plans to finish this book, and you will, too. Alternately riveting, heartfelt and horrifying, Jon Derek Croteau's descent into anorexia and obsessive running as a means to deny his true self is spellbinding.
--Eric Poole, author of Where's My Wand
"Jon Derek Croteau's powerful new book is a beacon shining on the puzzle of life."
--Bob Dotson, New York Times bestselling author of American Story, a Lifetime Search for Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things
"My Thinning Years is a triumphant, reassuring and intelligent examination of ability, strength and resilience for all to admire. Much like life, not everything works out as planned for the narrator, but he leaves the reader with a resounding sense of peace.
--Christopher Verleger, edgemedia.com

Jon Derek Croteau writes with unstinting honesty, and courageously explores the harmful effects of bullies long after they ve left the scene. But he also reveals the plain fact that the greatest bully we have to win over is often the one within us.
--James Lecesne, co-founder, The Trevor Project
A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestlyan emotional reada generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau s story.
--Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk
My Thinning Years is a powerful story about overcoming adversity. Jon Derek Croteau s courage, honesty, and unfailing passion are sure to both inspire and keep the pages turning!
--Jenni Schaefer, co-author of Almost Anorexic, author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me
My Thinning Years is not just a labor of love but a love-letter to those who are struggling silently and suffering deeply with an eating disorder. Jon Derek Croteau sheds incredible insight and a heartfelt vision for surviving and thriving in your life.
--Jess Weiner, author of A Very Hungry Girl and Life Doesn t Begin 5 Pounds from Now, and CEO of Talk to Jess, a social messaging brand consulting firm
"This inspiring true story proves that people can learn to embrace who they are and have the happy endings they deserve."
--EdgeNewYork.com
My Thinning Years is an inspiring story of one man s struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood.
--Betsy Lerner, author of Food and Loathing
My Thinning Years is an emotional journey through Jon Derek Croteau s struggle with eating disorders and accepting his identity as a gay man. In his struggle to accept his sexuality, Croteau attempts to erase his pain through trying to erase himself. Men s experiences of anorexia and bulimia are underrepresented in media, medical and personal accounts. This is an honest, powerful and raw insight into the self-punishing, self-harming and consuming force of eating disorders.
--Grace Bowman, author of Thin
My Thinning Years is the story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials as a straight man learning to love who I am and not fear life's spotlight. It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts.
--Award-winning recording artist, Will Dailey
"Written in such a way that you really do feel how deep the pain went as well as feel such joy for the author when he has successes."
--Jill Will Run Blog
"A wonderful read. Such a beautiful book about the power of acceptance--of yourself and others. I would definitely recommend this book"
--Knowing the Difference Blog
"My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within is a compelling memoir and it is wonderful to see the evolution of a life of pain transformed into a life of honesty and purpose."
--jugglinglife.com Blog
At one point in my career I was working with a group of teens as a counselor all had eating issues, identity issues and food issues. Four of the males in the group were anorexic and I wished I had had a copy of this book to share with them all; they were not alone it was a struggle for many.
--Patricia sWisdom.com
"Jon is a really incredible writer. The way he shared his story - his battle with himself - his body - his mind - his father - his heart - my goodness. It was phenomenal. Intense. Real. Raw. Heartbreaking."
-- goodgirlgoneredneck.com
"The author writes with an honesty so blunt and open - by the end of the book I felt as though I knew him on a personal level and had gone through all of his struggles, defeats, acceptance, and love right along with him. The book is an emotional roller coaster the entire way through. I don't have visceral reactions (like crying) to books very often, but this one had me sobbing."
-- A Dream Within Dream Blog
"The author hopes his candid memoir will help others to stop punishing themselves and to accept themselves as they are. My Thinning Years is a thoroughly engaging, touching, and sometimes funny memoir, which presents a portrait of a sensitive and gifted young man growing up with a quick-tempered, abusive, and homophobic father...Jon's story is gripping, honest, and well-written, and it's also a hopeful, inspiring story about success."--sukosnotebook.net
"By sharing his story, Jon has reaffirmed that an honest life is worth living, being true to yourself is the worthiest life goal there is."
--wordsmithonia.blogspotcom
"Jon Derek Croteau is a very talented writer as well as someone who takes emotional risks when it comes to writing this story."
-- sveta-randomblog.blogspot.com"


"Croteau's courageous disclosure of his arduous journey toward self-acceptance is especially relevant for many gay men who have been disenfranchised from their families of origin. This book also illuminates the realities of male eating disorders, adding considerably to the literature on anorexia, still wrongly perceived a solely a female disease."
--John Killacky, "The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide"
"I canceled plans to finish this book, and you will, too. Alternately riveting, heartfelt and horrifying, Jon Derek Croteau's descent into anorexia and obsessive running as a means to deny his true self is spellbinding."
--Eric Poole, author of "Where's My Wand"
"Jon Derek Croteau's powerful new book is a beacon shining on the puzzle of life."
--Bob Dotson, "New York Times" bestselling author of "American Story, a Lifetime Search for Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things "
""My Thinning Years" is a triumphant, reassuring and intelligent examination of ability, strength and resilience for all to admire. Much like life, not everything works out as planned for the narrator, but he leaves the reader with a resounding sense of peace."
--Christopher Verleger, edgemedia.com

"Jon Derek Croteau writes with unstinting honesty, and courageously explores the harmful effects of bullies long after they've left the scene. But he also reveals the plain fact that the greatest bully we have to win over is often the one within us."
--James Lecesne, co-founder, The Trevor Project
"A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestly...an emotional read...a generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau's story."
--Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk
""My Thinning Years" is a powerful story about overcoming adversity. Jon Derek Croteau's courage, honesty, and unfailing passion are sure to both inspire and keep the pages turning!"
--Jenni Schaefer, co-author of "Almost Anorexic," author of "Life Without Ed "and "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me"
""My Thinning Years" is not just a labor of love but a love-letter to those who are struggling silently and suffering deeply with an eating disorder. Jon Derek Croteau sheds incredible insight and a heartfelt vision for surviving and thriving in your life."
--Jess Weiner, author of " A Very Hungry Girl" and "Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now," and CEO of Talk to Jess, a social messaging brand consulting firm
"This inspiring true story proves that people can learn to embrace who they are and have the happy endings they deserve."
--EdgeNewYork.com
""My Thinning Years" is an inspiring story of one man's struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood."
--Betsy Lerner, author of "Food and Loathing"
""My Thinning Years" is an emotional journey through Jon Derek Croteau's struggle with eating disorders and accepting his identity as a gay man. In his struggle to accept his sexuality, Croteau attempts to erase his pain through trying to erase himself. Men's experiences of anorexia and bulimia are underrepresented in media, medical and personal accounts. This is an honest, powerful and raw insight into the self-punishing, self-harming and consuming force of eating disorders."
--Grace Bowman, author of "Thin"
""My Thinning Years" is the story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials as a straight man learning to love who I am and not fear life's spotlight. It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts."
--Award-winning recording artist, Will Dailey
"Written in such a way that you really do feel how deep the pain went as well as feel such joy for the author when he has successes."
--Jill Will Run Blog
"A wonderful read. Such a beautiful book about the power of acceptance--of yourself and others. I would definitely recommend this book"
--Knowing the Difference Blog
""My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within" is a compelling memoir and it is wonderful to see the evolution of a life of pain transformed into a life of honesty and purpose."
--jugglinglife.com Blog
"At one point in my career I was working with a group of teens as a counselor - all had eating issues, identity issues and food issues. Four of the males in the group were anorexic and I wished I had had a copy of this book to share with them all; they were not alone it was a struggle for many."
--Patricia'sWisdom.com
"Jon is a really incredible writer. The way he shared his story - his battle with himself - his body - his mind - his father - his heart - my goodness. It was phenomenal. Intense. Real. Raw. Heartbreaking."
-- goodgirlgoneredneck.com
"The author writes with an honesty so blunt and open - by the end of the book I felt as though I knew him on a personal level and had gone through all of his struggles, defeats, acceptance, and love right along with him. The book is an emotional roller coaster the entire way through. I don't have visceral reactions (like crying) to books very often, but this one had me sobbing."
-- A Dream Within Dream Blog
"The author hopes his candid memoir will help others to stop punishing themselves and to accept themselves as they are." My Thinning Years" is a thoroughly engaging, touching, and sometimes funny memoir, which presents a portrait of a sensitive and gifted young man growing up with a quick-tempered, abusive, and homophobic father...Jon's story is gripping, honest, and well-written, and it's also a hopeful, inspiring story about success."--sukosnotebook.net
"By sharing his story, Jon has reaffirmed that an honest life is worth living, being true to yourself is the worthiest life goal there is."
--wordsmithonia.blogspotcom
"Jon Derek Croteau is a very talented writer as well as someone who takes emotional risks when it comes to writing this story."
-- sveta-randomblog.blogspot.com


"I canceled plans to finish this book, and you will, too. Alternately riveting, heartfelt and horrifying, Jon Derek Croteau's descent into anorexia and obsessive running as a means to deny his true self is spellbinding."
--Eric Poole, author of "Where's My Wand"
"Jon Derek Croteau's powerful new book is a beacon shining on the puzzle of life."
--Bob Dotson, "New York Times" bestselling author of "American Story, a Lifetime Search for Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things "
"Jon Derek Croteau writes with unstinting honesty, and courageously explores the harmful effects of bullies long after they've left the scene. But he also reveals the plain fact that the greatest bully we have to win over is often the one within us."
--James Lecesne, co-founder, The Trevor Project
"A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestly...an emotional read...a generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau's story."
--Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk
""My Thinning Years" is a powerful story about overcoming adversity. Jon Derek Croteau's courage, honesty, and unfailing passion are sure to both inspire and keep the pages turning!"
--Jenni Schaefer, co-author of "Almost Anorexic," author of "Life Without Ed "and "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me"
""My Thinning Years" is not just a labor of love but a love-letter to those who are struggling silently and suffering deeply with an eating disorder. Jon Derek Croteau sheds incredible insight and a heartfelt vision for surviving and thriving in your life."
--Jess Weiner, author of " A Very Hungry Girl" and "Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now," and CEO of Talk to Jess, a social messaging brand consulting firm
"This inspiring true story proves that people can learn to embrace who they are and have the happy endings they deserve."
--EdgeNewYork.com
""My Thinning Years" is an inspiring story of one man's struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood."
--Betsy Lerner, author of "Food and Loathing"
""My Thinning Years" is an emotional journey through Jon Derek Croteau's struggle with eating disorders and accepting his identity as a gay man. In his struggle to accept his sexuality, Croteau attempts to erase his pain through trying to erase himself. Men's experiences of anorexia and bulimia are underrepresented in media, medical and personal accounts. This is an honest, powerful and raw insight into the self-punishing, self-harming and consuming force of eating disorders."
--Grace Bowman, author of "Thin"
""My Thinning Years" is the story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials as a straight man learning to love who I am and not fear life's spotlight. It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts."
--Award-winning recording artist, Will Dailey
"Written in such a way that you really do feel how deep the pain went as well as feel such joy for the author when he has successes."
--Jill Will Run Blog
"A wonderful read. Such a beautiful book about the power of acceptance--of yourself and others. I would definitely recommend this book"
--Knowing the Difference Blog
""My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within" is a compelling memoir and it is wonderful to see the evolution of a life of pain transformed into a life of honesty and purpose."
--jugglinglife.com Blog
"At one point in my career I was working with a group of teens as a counselor - all had eating issues, identity issues and food issues. Four of the males in the group were anorexic and I wished I had had a copy of this book to share with them all; they were not alone it was a struggle for many."
--Patricia'sWisdom.com
"Jon is a really incredible writer. The way he shared his story - his battle with himself - his body - his mind - his father - his heart - my goodness. It was phenomenal. Intense. Real. Raw. Heartbreaking."
-- goodgirlgoneredneck.com
"The author writes with an honesty so blunt and open - by the end of the book I felt as though I knew him on a personal level and had gone through all of his struggles, defeats, acceptance, and love right along with him. The book is an emotional roller coaster the entire way through. I don't have visceral reactions (like crying) to books very often, but this one had me sobbing."
-- A Dream Within Dream Blog
"The author hopes his candid memoir will help others to stop punishing themselves and to accept themselves as they are." My Thinning Years" is a thoroughly engaging, touching, and sometimes funny memoir, which presents a portrait of a sensitive and gifted young man growing up with a quick-tempered, abusive, and homophobic father...Jon's story is gripping, honest, and well-written, and it's also a hopeful, inspiring story about success."--sukosnotebook.net
"By sharing his story, Jon has reaffirmed that an honest life is worth living, being true to yourself is the worthiest life goal there is."
--wordsmithonia.blogspotcom
"Jon Derek Croteau is a very talented writer as well as someone who takes emotional risks when it comes to writing this story."
-- sveta-randomblog.blogspot.com

"Jon Derek Croteau writes with unstinting honesty in his memoir "MY THINNING YEARS," and courageously explores the harmful effects of bullies long after they've left the scene. But he also reveals the plain fact that the greatest bully we have to win over is often the one within us."
- James Lecesne, Co-Founder of THE TREVOR PROJECT
"The story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials... It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts."
--Award-winning singer/songwriter, Will Dailey
"A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestly...an emotional read...a generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau's story."
--Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk
"You do not need an eating disorder, homosexual tendencies, or a terrible parent to love this book. Croteau's story is a universal one, and his painful and hard-won transformation will both move and inspire you."
- Eric Poole, author of "Where's My Wand?: One Boy's Magical Triumph over Alienation and Shag Carpeting."
""My Thinning Years" is a powerful story about overcoming adversity. Jon Derek Croteau's courage, honesty, and unfailing passion are sure to both inspire and keep the pages turning!"
- Jenni Schaefer, Co-author of "Almost Anorexic," Author of "Life Without Ed "and "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me"

""My Thinning Years" is an inspiring story of one man's struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood."
--Betsy Lerner, author of "Food and Loathing"
""My Thinning Years" is not just a labor of love but a love-letter to those who are struggling silently and suffering deeply with an eating disorde


"The story of all of us as we come to terms with who we are. As I raced through these pages like the runner within them, I was reminded of my own trials... It takes courage to tell your story, to come out, to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. These pages help usher in our more tolerant present and our ever-evolving hearts."
--Award-winning singer/songwriter, Will Dailey

"A fantastic and harrowing story, told deeply and honestly...an emotional read...a generous, hopeful book I dearly hope gets into the hands of the many people who face similar hardships and desperately need to hear Jon Derek Croteau's story."
--Randy Harrison, actor, Queer As Folk

""My Thinning Years" is an inspiring story of one man's struggle with anorexia, with sexual identity, and his struggle for selfhood."
--Betsy Lerner, author of "Food and Loathing"

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