Parenting Our Parents

Frances hones in on the transformative experience of becoming your parents' parent when they can no longer care for themselves. She wrote the book because she found no other like it when she encountered her parents' initial crisis. She has produced a work that is absorbing, encouraging, and an outstanding resource for those who confront similar eldercare challenges. . . Frances has written a thoughtful, touching, and illuminating book that will help anyone who is fortunate enough to read it. * Wellesley Magazine * So many of us plan for children, yet few are adequately prepared to care for aging parents. Jane Wolf Frances understands the struggles of caring for elders in need, and her advice is spot on. Whether you're a caregiver today or thinking about challenges that may come tomorrow, Frances' expertise, experience, and know-how will be of great help -- Paul Irving, chairman, Milken Institute Center for the Future of Aging; Distinguished Scholar in Residence, USC Davis School of Gerontology This is a masterful piece of work, invaluable to countless folks who will be taking care of their parents in their twilight years. I am in fact one of those parents, who is cared for by a wonderful daughter and son-in-law, but it made me even more aware of how much they contribute to my lifestyle. Read it, you wont regret it. -- Angie McCartney, Stepmother of Sir Paul McCartney, and CEO, McCartney Multimedia Inc. To anyone in denial about what may soon be unfolding for their family, I urge you to PLEASE READ THIS BOOK!! Jane provides an insightful, sensitive and uplifting way to truly transform this potentially difficult process into a journey of love and healing. These pages contain tools for developing an awareness of how to confront fears about this journey, providing new insights and opportunities for laughter, and gentle ways to accept grief. It offers help for families so they can better understand their parent's changing needs in order to create a more comfortable journey and loving passage. I am incredibly grateful to Jane for what she shares in this book; it helped me immensely, both personally and professionally! I've recommended it to many clients and colleagues to assist them in developing strategies for their individual circumstances. These pages also guided me in recognizing what I needed to do to heal my relationship with my mother and help her appreciate her life so that we were better prepared for experiencing her peaceful passing. Once that occurred, this book offered me guidance for my own self-healing. -- Lori Eberle, MA - Independent Educational Consultant, Certified POP Family Coach and Certified Parent Coach A must-read for children of aging parents. Jane Wolf Frances writes from a firm base of empathy and knowledge about a situation that--sooner or later--affects us all. Her book provided me with trustworthy companionship and practical guidance in just the right amounts. Extremely useful and highly recommended. -- Darcie Sanders, Trustee, Lyons Regional Library District and co-author of "Staying Home" Parenting Our Parents by Jane Wolf Frances is a brilliant, heartfelt and very personal book that I believe will become indispensableto a great many people. It is filled with important information from a woman who has gained this wisdom the hard way. And, as a practicing therapist she has the training and insight to share her insights in a very practical and appropriate manner. If you are in this parenting role or about to be this is the place to start. -- Rick Moss, PhD - Minister of Religious Science, and Developer of Awakening to Our Greatness As a caregiver of 10 years' duration and a gerontologist, I wish I had had this book at the beginning of my journey. That said, the book is still valuable to me and is mandatory reading for anyone taking care of his/her parents. The author raises many issues that resonate with me and my experiences. Two in particular stand out: on pp. 27-28, the author writes, "Sitting with my thoughts that day, I also uncovered a new feeling, an odd sense of power and influence I was pretty sure I didn't like...It wasn't power that I wanted...What I really longed for was a magic wand so that my Mom and Dad wouldn't be ill, in pain, disabled, or die." That is exactly how I feel: I am uncomfortable with the role/power reversal and long for the days when my parents, now just my father, were young and healthy (yes, even after 10 years). Second, Ms. Wolf Frances writes about how to look at caregiving. On pp. 28-29, she says, "One definition of the word `sacrifice' is `something we make sacred,' like an offering. Remembering this, I was able to re-visit the notion of loss by asking myself: was this reversal of customary roles something I could choose to make sacred rather than fill it with struggle and loss? All of a sudden, I saw an opening in my thinking. I'd found a way to look at this choice that moved me from potential losses to possible gains." Reading that was highly comforting and made me consider the honor it gives me to take care of my father. There is much more I could write because the book is richly layered with valuable information. I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to savor it. -- Maria Siciliano, MSG, MPA - Principal and Founder, Gerontology in Action Parenting Our Parents: e" takes the guess work out of parenting older relatives and loved ones, by helping the reader make informed decisions, offering tools for communication, and plans for going forward at a time when confusion and denial can run rampant. Her "How To" guide offers a process and understanding that can make this daunting journey not just bearable but truly an act of love. I whole-heartedly recommend this book. -- Patricia Mitchell, Broadcaster, Life Coach and Consultant, Certified POP Family Coach Eventually, everyone will need this book. -- Paul L. Hokemeyer, JD, PhD - Dr. Oz Show, Clinical Consultant, and author of "Fragile Power" This book is a revelation, a generous, comprehensive and wise guided tour of all the issues we confront in struggling to meet the needs of aging and increasingly dependent parents. It's loaded with wisdom, practical advice and inspiration on everything I and my family faced as our parents aged, got sick and faced death, needing their kids more and more. Frances writes as a longtime counselor seasoned with geriatric experience, but I found just as moving--and helpful--her unflinching accounts of her own journey in coming to terms with the needs of her aging parents. As I read, kept finding myself drifting off to replay something that happened in my family, and how something she said so perfectly applied. As our parents went through the end years of their lives, my husband and I kept reminding each other of nuggets of wisdom from the book--"Under-react!" my husband would remind me with a smile when I started getting upset about something that my elderly dad had said. Now that my husband and I are approaching the stage of being "aging parents" ourselves, I want everyone in OUR family to read this book to help them support us with wisdom and love. And as a longtime developer of training programs for major companies, I see the Frances' book as an invaluble learning resource for people in all walks of life. I recommend the book wholeheartedly. -- Holly Knox, Instructional Designer (retired) Jane Wolf Frances has written an extraordinarily valuable book for so many people who currently or will eventually care for their parents. She is an empathetic instructor who can help others with the difficulties of recognizing the signs that our parents need help and following through with those decisions that affect the lives of both parties. Her background as a psychotherapist, attorney and coach coupled with her own experience in this challenging situation make her the perfect author for this topic. She writes with passion and with precision --- a rare combination indeed. People NEED to read this book and keep it close - it will aid their hearts and minds and enrich their lives. -- Rikki Klieman, Attorney and Legal Analyst "NHS helps middle class families obtain excellent long-term nursing home care paid through government benefits while preserving and protecting family assets. We have been in the field of nursing home care for over 40 years. Parenting Our Parents is critical because so many people are dealing with caring for their parents long before they realize that they have a problem. The issues have likely been happening for a decade. The lack of understanding of what they are dealing with have caused them to make poor decisions that is completely unfamiliar. Parenting Our Parents gives individuals the guidance, insight and direction they need to navigate these potential problems and ensure that mistakes are not made that can be extremely harmful and in some cases disastrous. We strongly encourage anyone currently caring for an elderly parent or will be providing that care in the near future to read the book and get the answers you will need now." -- Zoran Basich, Founder, Nursing Home Solutions