As polyamory continues to make its way into the mainstream, more and more people are exploring consensual non-monogamy in the hope of experiencing more love, connection, sex, freedom, and support.
While for many, the move expands personal horizons, for others, the transition can be challenging, leaving them blindsided and overwhelmed. Beyond the initial transition to non-monogamy, many struggle with the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting, and persistent jealousy.
Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley share the insights they have gained through thousands of hours working with clients in consensually non-monogamous relationships. Using a grounded theory approach, they explore the underlying challenges that non-monogamous individuals and partners can experience after their first steps, offering practical strategies for transforming them into opportunities for new levels of clarity and intimacy.
Praise for Polysecure-
'A deeply compassionate book, Polysecure is a great read for both therapists who serve people in consensually nonmonogamous (CNM) relationships and laypeople who are interested in what makes for secure attachments in such relationships. It offers an excellent summary of conventional attachment theory, critiques and re-interprets attachment theory for CNM relationships, and provides a roadmap for people in CNM relationships who want to establish emotionally intimate and securely attached relationships with multiple partners. One of the most important insights from Fern's delightful book is that secure attachment is a product of relationship experiences rather than relationship.'
-Dr Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door, Stories from the Polycule, When Someone You Love is Polyamorous, and Children in Polyamorous Families
Praise for Polysecure-
'Secure attachment is absolutely central to successful polyamorous relationships, and insecure attachment is at the core of the jealousy and other challenges in open relationships of all kinds. This book can help poly people, as well as clinicians, get to the heart of their struggles and pain. It can help them to take concrete steps to become more comfortable with their nonmonogamous relationships and trust their partner's love and commitment. This is required reading for people in open relationships and should be used as a textbook for every therapist who works with people in polyamorous relationships.'
-Kathy Labriola, counsellor, nurse, and author of The Polyamory Breakup Book
Praise for Polysecure-
'Polysecure is likely to become for people interested in polyamory, what Love Languages is for understanding romance. It gives people a way to understand how they may be recreating those old patterns by bringing their own childhood attachment styles into their adult relationships. And even more importantly, it offers concrete skills for how to use this knowledge to create healthier, more satisfying and secure relationship dynamics.'
-Max Rivers, intimacy coach and author of Loving Conflict- how conflict is really your relationship trying to go deeper
About the Authors
Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.
David Cooley is a professional restorative justice faciliitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer and biligual cultural broker. He works with nonmonogamous and LGBTQ clients, incorporating modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques.
