| Foreword | p. xiii |
| Introduction | p. 1 |
| The Way We Are Now | |
| Phone Hex | p. 7 |
| "Nothing Personal. We Sue All Our Friends." | p. 10 |
| Men Will Be Boys ... | p. 14 |
| ... And Some Boys Will Stay That Way | p. 18 |
| Not Your Mother's Cemetery | p. 22 |
| Why the Girl Scouts Sing the Blues | p. 26 |
| Pity the Toad | p. 30 |
| Ruff! Ruff! Ruffage! Here, Rover, Have a Nice Bean Sprout! | p. 34 |
| Bambi Deconstructed | p. 37 |
| The Deeper Meaning of Mail | p. 42 |
| Luck Among the Ruins | p. 47 |
| Style | |
| The Art of the Perfectly Awful | p. 53 |
| Roasted Porcupine and Basil, With a Hint of Tire Mark | p. 58 |
| Domes of Resistance | p. 61 |
| The Agonies of Miss Ag | p. 64 |
| And the Winner for Placing the Most Bras Is ... | p. 69 |
| Men in Brown | p. 72 |
| Poetic Justice | p. 76 |
| Hair Wars | p. 78 |
| Rise Up, Ye Sleeveless Men! | p. 82 |
| Men Are from Hardware Stores, Women Are From ... | p. 86 |
| Things You Might Not Know | |
| The Fat Man Cometh | p. 91 |
| Prisons, Guns and Knickers | p. 97 |
| But Will the Klingons Understand Deuteronomy? | p. 100 |
| The Steak Tender, the Soup Positively Rodentine | p. 104 |
| The Sky, Sometimes, Is Actually Falling | p. 108 |
| The Offal Truth | p. 112 |
| Carrots, No Schtick | p. 115 |
| Your Orthodontist and Ewe | p. 119 |
| Men at Work | |
| The Waning Days of Mr. Coke | p. 123 |
| Fishing with His Nose | p. 128 |
| Blowing Up on the Job | p. 132 |
| "Bear Hunting Is Hard on Wives" | p. 136 |
| Charles Atlas, Grandpa | p. 140 |
| One Writer's Novel Problem | p. 144 |
| Obsessions | |
| The Longest Replay | p. 149 |
| The Bean of His Existence | p. 153 |
| Y2K Alert! (But It's 1980) | p. 157 |
| Claim That Tune! | p. 162 |
| This Cup Must Not Be Runneth Over | p. 167 |
| What We Wrote Home About | |
| A Navy and Its Demons (and Dragons) | p. 171 |
| A Fence Without End | p. 175 |
| The Last Word | p. 179 |
| Touring God's Country | p. 183 |
| Smoke Got in Their Eyes | p. 185 |
| Yes, We Have No Bananas | p. 188 |
| Of Counterculture, Counter Cultures and Pig Rights | p. 193 |
| A Night Among the Snipers | p. 197 |
| Things Are Hopping in New York | p. 201 |
| The Struggles of Otter 76 | p. 203 |
| Play's the Thing | |
| Fish Story | p. 211 |
| Golfing in the Spring: One Hole, Par 70 | p. 215 |
| Having a Fling or Two | p. 219 |
| Why Tiger Is Glad He's Not Japanese | p. 223 |
| Not Your Father's Buick | p. 226 |
| Notions and Controversies | |
| Naked Assumptions | p. 231 |
| Little Feats | p. 234 |
| China, in Stride | p. 237 |
| No, This Isn't How They Invented Chicken Tenders | p. 241 |
| Why the Future Isn't Coming Up Roses | p. 244 |
| Scribes, Describing | |
| Traveling Cheap, but Not Sleazy | p. 249 |
| In Praise of Small Words | p. 254 |
| Z-less in Zanzibar | p. 256 |
| Being Hip in Cairo | p. 259 |
| Check Out That New Model--Uh, I Don't Mean the Car | p. 263 |
| Puzzlements | p. 268 |
| Play It Again, Ma'am | p. 272 |
| Acknowledgments | p. 279 |
| Index of Contributors | p. 281 |
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