| Editor's Note | p. xiii |
| Preface | p. xv |
| Acknowledgments | p. xix |
| Introduction | p. 1 |
| My Story | p. 21 |
| Seeing Him as All-Powerful and the Center of My World | p. 29 |
| Yes, but à | |
| I Love Him | p. 33 |
| I Miss Him (or I Need Him) and Can't Live without Him | p. 36 |
| He Is Everything to Me | p. 39 |
| It Will Hurt to Leave Him | p. 41 |
| I Have to Do What He Wants or He Won't Love Me | p. 43 |
| I Have to Do What He Wants Sexually or He Won't Love Me (or He'll Find Someone Else) | p. 45 |
| I Have to Tell Him Everywhere I Go and What I Do So He Can Reach Me or He Shows Up Unexpectedly Because He Loves Me | p. 47 |
| If I Try to Leave, He Will Kill Me or My Children | p. 49 |
| If I Divorce Him He Will Take My Children from Me or Will Have the Children Alone for Visitation | p. 51 |
| He Is a Good Provider | p. 53 |
| Denying and Minimizing His Behavior | p. 55 |
| Yes, but à | |
| He's Not All Bad or He Has a Really Sweet and Wonderful Side | p. 58 |
| We Have Had Some Good Times | p. 60 |
| He Only Yells at Me Because He Loves Me | p. 61 |
| My Children Need Their Father | p. 63 |
| He Doesn't Hurt the Children | p. 66 |
| He Doesn't Mean to Hit Me | p. 68 |
| At Least He Doesn't Hit Me | p. 70 |
| He Doesn't Lie to Me | p. 73 |
| At Least I Don't Have It as Bad as Others | p. 75 |
| He Must Love Me-He Gets Jealous When I Talk to or Spend Time with Other People | p. 77 |
| He Must Love Me-He Wants to Be with Me All the Time | p. 79 |
| It Doesn't Matter That I Quit Doing Things I Enjoy or That He Made Me Quit My Job | p. 81 |
| It Doesn't Matter What Other People Think or My Friends and Family Don't Understand | p. 83 |
| It Doesn't Matter What Names He Calls Me | p. 85 |
| It Doesn't Matter That He Insults My Religion, Race, or Ethnicity | p. 87 |
| It Doesn't Matter That He Flirts with Other Women | p. 88 |
| It Doesn't Matter That He Withholds Affection When He's Angry | p. 89 |
| He's Learned His Lesson by My Leaving-Now We Can Get Back Together and Everything Will Be Okay | p. 90 |
| This Can't Be Happening-I Am Not One of "Those Women" | p. 92 |
| Sooner or Later, He'll See What He's Doing and Stop | p. 94 |
| Believing I Can Save Him | p. 97 |
| Yes, but | |
| I Can Change Him | p. 100 |
| I Can Save Him | p. 102 |
| He Needs Me or He Can't Live without Me | p. 104 |
| I Have to Make This Work-I Don't Want to Be a Failure | p. 107 |
| I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship That Would Go to Waste | p. 109 |
| I've Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship-If I Leave, Someone Else Will Benefit from My Hard Work | p. 112 |
| Sacrificing My Self | p. 115 |
| Yes, but à | |
| Lie Has Low Self-Esteem | p. 119 |
| I Don't Want to Hurt Him | p. 120 |
| Everyone Else in His Life Has Let Him Down-I Am All He Has | p. 121 |
| I Have to Stay or He Will Kill Himself | p. 123 |
| I Have to Forgive Him | p. 124 |
| I Must Stay, I Promised God | p. 127 |
| Blaming Myself for His Behavior-Believing I Deserve It | p. 131 |
| Yes, but à | |
| If Only I Could Just Love Him Enough, He Would Change | p. 135 |
| If Only I Didn't Make Him Angry or Provoke Him | p. 137 |
| If Only I Were More Attractive/Thinner/Smarter/More Interesting/a Better Communicator/More Fun | p. 138 |
| I Made My Bed, Now I Have to Lie in It | p. 140 |
| I Never Do Anything Right-I Always Let Him Down/Disappoint Him/Say and Do the Wrong Thing/Blow It | p. 142 |
| Blaming Outside Forces for His Behavior | p. 145 |
| Yes, but à | |
| If Only He Could Quit Drinking/Doing Drugs/Gambling/Having Affairs | p. 148 |
| If Only His Boss/Teacher/Coach Wouldn't Put Him Under So Much Stress | p. 150 |
| The Devil Made Him Do It | p. 151 |
| If Only My Family and Friends Would Treat Him Better or Be More Accepting and Accommodating | p. 153 |
| Accepting Male Privilege | p. 155 |
| Yes, but à | |
| Men Should Make All the Decisions | p. 159 |
| Men Should Control All the Money and Property or Men Should Earn More Money Than Women | p. 161 |
| Men Have Fragile Egos | p. 163 |
| Men Don't Know How to Express Love or It's Just the Way Men Are | p. 164 |
| It's Okay for Him to Demand or Force Me to Have Sex | p. 166 |
| Giving Up on Myself | p. 167 |
| Yes, butà | |
| I Have No Choice of There's No Way Out or There's Nothing I Can Do | p. 170 |
| No One Else Will Ever Love Me or This Is Better Than Being Alone | p. 173 |
| At Least I Know What to Expect | p. 176 |
| At Least I'm Having Sex | p. 178 |
| It's Too Late to Start Over or I Can't Make It on My Own | p. 180 |
| No One Cares about Me Anyway | p. 182 |
| I'm a Stupid, Worthless Nothing | p. 183 |
| I Am Embarrassed and Ashamed to Be in This Situation | p. 185 |
| I Have Nowhere and No One to Turn To | p. 186 |
| I Can't Find a Job or I Have No Skills | p. 187 |
| I Can't Care for My Children | p. 189 |
| If I Try to Do Something, It May Backfire and Make the Situation Worse | p. 190 |
| Someone Else Will See What He Is Doing and Save Me | p. 191 |
| |
| Educational Tools | p. 193 |
| What Is Abuse? | p. 195 |
| Profile of an Abuser | p. 199 |
| Cycle of Abuse | p. 203 |
| Chart of Coercion | p. 205 |
| Safety Planning | p. 207 |
| |
| Additional Resources | p. 213 |
| Hotlines and Web Sites | p. 215 |
| Recommended Readings | p. 217 |
| Notes | p. 221 |
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