Introduction 1
About This Book 1
Foolish Assumptions 2
Icons Used in This Book 2
Beyond the Book 3
Where to Go from Here 3
Part 1: Getting Started with Resilience 5
Chapter 1: Embarking on the Journey to Resilience 7
Resilience is for Everyone 7
What Determines Resilience? 8
Your genes 9
Childhood development 9
Culture 10
Psychological outlook 10
Coping habits 11
Social support 11
Humor 12
Spirituality 12
What Resilience is Not 12
The victim mindset 13
Learned helplessness 14
Hopelessness 15
Breaking the Victim Cycle 16
Cultivating the Six Pillars of Resilience 17
Developing physical hardiness 18
Achieving emotional equilibrium 18
Boosting mental clarity and toughness 18
Enriching spiritual connection 19
Establishing healthy relationships 19
Belonging to a community and becoming a leader 20
Chapter 2: The Basis of Resilience: Harmony Versus Stress 21
Without Stress, You Would Be Dead 21
The Perpetual Quest for Harmony 22
Examining the Stress Response Feedback Loop 23
Fight-or-flight 23
The feedback loop 24
Living in Disharmony: The Real Stress 25
Expecting a Good Outcome is the Key 26
Believing in Possible 27
Coping to Adapt, or Not 28
Maladaptive coping 29
Adaptive coping 30
Harmonizing Stress and Becoming Resilient 30
Quieting the stress response 31
Being open to learn and understand 31
Building and restoring 32
Chapter 3: The First Pillar: Physical Vitality and Flexibility 33
What Fitness Has to Do with Resilience 33
What Good is Success If You’re Sick or Dead? 34
Taking Survival of the Fittest for What It’s Worth 35
Using It or Losing It 36
Fueling Your Immune System 37
Assembling the Components for Physical Hardiness 38
Sleeping restfully 38
Eating a nutrient-rich diet 40
Engaging in physical activity 43
Relaxing and meditating 45
Aligning with nature 46
Chapter 4: The Second Pillar: Developing Mental Toughness and Clarity 49
What Kind of Mindset Do Resilient People Have? 50
Fixed Versus Growth Mindsets When It Comes to Resilience 51
Developing Mental Toughness 52
Getting in control 53
Making a commitment 55
Embracing challenges 56
Being confident 57
Accessing Mental Clarity 58
Chapter 5: The Third Pillar: Achieving Emotional Equilibrium 61
Emotions Exist for a Very Good Reason 61
How Emotions Influence Perception and Coping 63
Evaluating Your Feelings 64
Choosing to Manage Your Emotions 65
Calming Your Emotions By Calming the Stress Response 67
Shifting to Positive Detachment and Reappraisal 68
Enhancing Your Self-Awareness and Willingness to Grow 69
Always Choosing Love 70
Chapter 6: The Fourth Pillar: Cultivating Spirituality 71
What is Spirituality Beyond Religion? 71
Why Spirituality Supports Resilience 73
Recognizing the Power of Awe 74
Searching for Purpose 75
Accepting the Mystery and Process of Life 76
Becoming Peaceful through Humility 77
Expressing Loving Kindness 78
Finding Stillness 79
Feeling Lucky 80
Showing Compassion 81
Chapter 7: The Fifth Pillar: Striving for Quality Relationships 83
Enjoying the Journey, Even When It Hurts 84
Recognizing That It All Starts with a Relationship with Yourself 85
Choosing to Commit 86
Building Trust 88
Showing Respect 90
Establishing Healthy Boundaries 91
Improving Conscious Communication 93
Expressing Empathy 94
Giving and Receiving 95
Chapter 8: The Sixth Pillar: Belonging to a Community or Team 97
Recognizing How Community Fosters Individual Resilience 98
Becoming Stronger and Better Together 100
Stepping into Leadership 102
Sharing Values 104
Showing Respect 104
Building Trust 105
Being Able to Improvise 106
Finding Motivation 107
Having Fun 108
Part 2: Laying the Foundation 109
Chapter 9: The Practice of Listening: Quieting and Sharpening Your Senses 111
Deciding to Tune In to the Senses 112
Engaging in the Art of Listening 113
Being Aware of Stress Signals 114
Establishing Calm 115
The quieting breath 116
Experimenting with your breath 116
Practicing mindfulness as a calming tool 118
Listening to Your Body 121
Scanning the body 122
Mindfully tuning into empathy 124
Listening with Compassion 125
Developing self-compassion 125
Practicing compassion meditation 126
Chapter 10: The Practice of Gaining Deeper Insight 129
What is Insight? 129
Seeking Truth: The Journey to Insight 130
Quieting the Mind 132
Tapping into Intuition 133
Clearing the static 134
Mindfully tuning in 135
Enlivening Curiosity 136
Ask questions 137
Switch up the questions and give them direction 138
Relax into not knowing 138
Improve reception by being more receptive 138
Digging In to Emotions 139
Analyzing Insights to Make Decisions 141
Articulate the problem 142
Clarify objectives 143
Do some research 143
Activate your whole brain 143
Take a break 144
Make connections 144
Gaining Wisdom to Ask More Questions 144
Chapter 11: The Practice of Shifting Your Mindset 147
Co-Creating Your Life 148
Becoming Aware of Limiting Beliefs 149
Watching Your Words 150
“I can’t” 150
“Always” and “never” 151
“Should” 151
“I can do that, but____” 152
“This is who I am” 153
Introducing Stories 153
Scenario 1: Feeling insulted vs eager to learn 155
Scenario 2: Feeling shame vs accountable 155
Awareness exercise: Using emotions to tell a story 156
Challenging Assumptions 159
Toughening Up Mentally 160
Milking Meaning from Hardship 162
Step 1: Find lessons and inspiration 162
Step 2: Reappraise your story 163
Step 3: Count your blessings 163
Step 4: Ask for help 164
Step 5: Remember victories 164
Step 6: Take care 164
Step 7: Connect with love and awe 165
Changing Attitude to Optimism 165
Step 1: Practice mindfulness 165
Step 2: Change your words 166
Step 3: Deepen your connection with a force larger than yourself 166
Step 4: Shift your attitude to gratitude 167
Step 5: Be your own coach 168
Step 6: Enjoy the adventure 169
Part 3: Evaluating and Strengthening Relationships 171
Chapter 12: Improving Your Relationship with Yourself 173
Connecting Resilience with Self-Worth 174
Believing in Your Worth 175
Noting Self-Criticism 176
Evaluating Your Self-Value 177
Starting to Take Action 179
Practicing self-awareness 179
Making a conscious choice 180
Celebrating yourself 181
Keeping an inventory 182
Accepting and being your unique self 183
Holding on to your vision 184
Being loving toward yourself 184
Taking Care of YOU 185
Nourish yourself with nutrient-rich food 186
Exercise and stay active 186
Connect with support 186
Quiet your mind 187
Heal through your negative emotions 187
Have fun! 188
Appreciate all that you have and all that you are 188
It’s okay to rest 189
Allowing Love In 189
Chapter 13: Creating Quality Relationships 193
What Constitutes a Quality Relationship? 193
Evaluating Your Relationships 195
Making a list 195
Determining your level of commitment 196
Examining respect and healthy boundaries 198
Assessing trust and reliance 199
Evaluating communication and empathy 200
Taking a good look at reciprocity 201
Building Lasting Social Bonds 202
Communicating with presence and curiosity 202
Building trust and reliance 203
Supporting and being supported 204
Accepting and acknowledging 205
Settling differences 206
Investing time in and time out 207
Strengthening Bonds by Sharing 208
Sharing news and gratitude 209
Sharing goals and dreams 209
Sharing worries and fears 209
Sharing adventures 210
Sharing the mundane 210
Sharing physical contact 210
Sharing hearts 210
Chapter 14: Building a Resilient Community 213
Determining Who Your People Are 213
Evaluating Your Communities 214
Making a list 214
Sharing values 215
Committing to shared goals 216
Combining resources 217
Contributing and cooperating equally 217
Communicating effectively 218
Displaying sensitivity and empathy 218
Encouraging and celebrating 219
Exemplifying fairness and inclusivity 219
Having trusted leaders 219
Creating the Foundation for Your Community 220
Getting everyone to buy in on the goals 221
Aligning core values 222
Putting the right people in the right roles 224
Improving communication 227
Establishing guidelines for fairness and inclusivity 231
Chapter 15: Becoming a Resilient Leader 233
The Making of a Resilient Leader 233
What is Your Style of Leadership? 235
Questions regarding leadership to ask yourself 235
Appraising your sphere of influence 235
Evaluating your resilience as a leader 237
Embracing Challenges and Change 240
Becoming comfortable being uncomfortable 241
Facing the fear of doing something risky 241
Find your way home after getting lost 242
Starting with a clean slate 242
Heading the other way 243
Going with the flow 243
Creating Your Vision 244
Clearing and opening the mind 244
Visualizing the future 245
Writing out the story of success 246
Defining goals and objectives 246
Creating the strategic plan 247
Communicating the vision 248
Being a Trusted Leader 249
Taking Care and Being Self-Aware 251
The 5-minute morning meditation 252
Practicing gratitude 253
Part 4: Putting Resilience into Action 255
Chapter 16: Fueling the Mind and Body 257
Making Fitness a Priority 257
Taking care of your body’s whispers before it screams 258
Evaluating your vitality 260
Improving Your Metabolism 263
Understanding metabolic flexibility 263
Taking charge of your metabolism 265
Cutting down on sugar 265
Boosting your metabolism with antioxidants 266
Trying intermittent fasting 266
Keeping the microbiome happy 266
Challenging your body with a variety of physical exercises 267
Getting Functional with Your Movement 267
Integrating five key functional movements 267
Playing isn’t just for kids 270
Taking Time Out for Recovery 271
Losing guilt and embracing love 272
Quieting the mind 272
Getting restful, quality sleep 272
Chapter 17: Organizing Your Environment 273
Benefitting from Being More Organized 274
Taking Stock of the Obstacles to Organization 275
Freeing Up 276
Freeing up your mind 276
Managing your time 278
Decluttering Your Physical Space 281
Harmonizing Your Environment 283
Clearing and creating an open space 283
Placing furniture or key items facing the door 284
Letting the light in 284
Shutting the lid where water drains 284
Bringing in green 284
Balancing with nature’s elements 285
Chapter 18: Resilience in Action at Work 289
Fostering Optimism 290
Seeing challenges as opportunities 291
Seeing value everywhere and in everyone 293
Embracing failure and setbacks 294
Choosing Balance 295
Bringing meditation into your work life 296
Getting unplugged 297
Establishing an organized approach to managing tasks 298
Getting a life 299
Strengthening Networks of Support 300
Chapter 19: Resilience in the Family 303
Developing the Core Framework 304
Sharing beliefs 304
Being organized 304
Effectively communicating 305
Setting an Example 305
Adopting Shared Beliefs 308
Enhancing optimism 308
Finding meaning together 310
Making spirituality a family affair 311
Establishing Organization and Structure 313
Strengthening connectedness 313
Creating structure with flexibility 314
Forming networks of support 315
Enhancing Communication 316
Being clear and direct 316
Regulating and expressing emotions 318
Solving problems together 319
Part 5: The Part of Tens 321
Chapter 20: Ten Tips to Help Your Kids Cope with Stress and Change 323
Taking a Pause and Calming the Worry 323
Being a Role Model 324
Maintaining Open Channels of Communication 325
Teaching Others How to Self-Calm 326
Facing Fears Together 327
Getting Organized 327
Unplugging and Descheduling 328
Learning to Embrace Change 329
Solving Problems Together 330
Finding Support 331
Chapter 21: Ten Tips for Using Nature to Become Resilient 333
Using Green for Therapy 333
Enhancing Spirituality 334
Clearing Your Head 334
Exercising Green 335
Practicing Mindfulness 336
Cultivating a Garden 336
Eating with the Seasons 337
Bringing Nature into Your Home 337
Using Nature to Relax and Play 338
Enjoying a Getaway 339
Index 341
