The Beginning ..................................................... 1
My Best-Fit College Trip to Nowhere ..............................
3 Cells in the Petri Dish of the Great Princeton
Lab Experiment ......................................................... 17
The Descent........................................................31
Notes from the Happy Bottom-Quarter ......................... 33
The Case of the Purloined Grocery Cart.........................
47 The Abbreviated Wrestling Match ..................................
60 The Space Between the Legs of the Chair....................... 74
The Rise..............................................................89
The Boy in the Bathroom ................................................ 91
Two Remarkable Tigers................................................. 103
Remarkable Tiger 1: Dan Reefer ............................. 104
Remarkable Tiger 2: Andre from the Grove ........... 109
Lester Lanin Goes to College ............................................ 115 T
he Butler's Guide to Clothes Care .................................... 131
The B-Side Picks the Princeton G.O.A.T..................... 147
The Pistol: My G.O.A.T. Classmate.............................. 156
The Parallel-to-the-Ground Steering Wheel ................ 164
All-White Funk Team................................................... 180
The Crash and Burn ..........................................195
Director of Alienation ................................................... 197
The Night We Outed Fascists Until Dawn ................... 211
The Elusive Math 447 Syllabus ..................................... 226
Beckett's Best-Fit College Trip ..................................... 233
A Cold Pony To Go ...................................................... 237