The Power of Understanding Yourself

Preface xi

Acknowledgments xv

Part One: The Grape

Chapter 1: Metacognition: The Process of Evaluating “The Juice” 3

Metacognition versus Self-Awareness 4

Thinking About Our Thoughts 5

Choosing to Extract Me 8

Your Cognitive Schemas Make You Unique 9

Chapter 2: Locus of Control: You Are the Winemaker 13

Delusions, Control, and Disappointment 14

Finding Your Locus of Control 16

Chapter 3: Alignment: From Vine to Bottle 23

Inputs and Outputs 24

Horizontal Alignment 26

Chapter 4: Core Ideology: The Crush of Juice,Stems, Skins, and Seeds 31

Examining Inputs 34

Assessing Your Desired Outputs 36

Identifying Your Core Ideology 42

Vertical Alignment 47

Part Two: The Style

Chapter 5: What’s My Style? Shades of Me 51

Understanding Interactive Style 55

Chapter 6: Experts: It’s About the Process for Me 63

Meeting the Expert 64

The Behavioral Cues (or lack thereof) of Experts 65

An Expert Is a Wine’s Acidity 67

Chapter 7: Romantics: It’s About the People for Me 71

Meeting the Romantic 72

Putting Others’ Happiness before Your Own 73

Reframing Childhood Trials 74

A Romantic Is a Wine’s Sweetness 76

Chapter 8: Masterminds: It’s About the Possibilities for Me 79

Meeting the Mastermind 80

Breaking the Rule in Order to Follow the Rule 82

A Mastermind Is a Wine’s Fruit 86

Chapter 9: Warriors: It’s About the Pace and the Point for Me 89

Meeting the Warrior 90

No Room for Interesting Details 92

A Warrior Is a Wine’s Tannin 94

Part Three: The Balance

Chapter 10: Punching Down the Cap: The Pursuit of Balance 99

Finding the Right Balance 100

The Good and Bad of Stress 103

Chapter 11: Punching Down the Expert Style Influence on Me 107

Complementary Versus Contrasting Balance 110

An Expert with a Secondary Romantic (lowest score A column, next-lowest score B column) 111

An Expert with a Secondary Mastermind (lowest score A column, next-lowest score C column) 115

An Expert with a Secondary Warrior (lowest score A column, next-lowest score D column) 119

Extracting Me Worksheet 121

Chapter 12: Punching Down the Romantic Style Influence on Me 123

A Romantic with a Secondary Expert (lowest score B column, second-lowest score A column) 126

A Romantic with a Secondary Mastermind (lowest score B column, second-lowest score C column) 128

A Romantic with a Secondary Warrior (lowest score B column, second-lowest score D column) 131

Extracting Me Worksheet 134

Chapter 13: Punching Down the Mastermind Style Influence on Me 135

A Mastermind with a Secondary Expert (lowest score C column, next-lowest score A column) 138

A Mastermind with a Secondary Romantic (lowest score C column, next-lowest score B column) 142

A Mastermind with a Secondary Warrior (lowest score C column, next-lowest score D column) 143

Extracting Me Worksheet 147

Chapter 14: Punching Down the Warrior Style Influence on Me 149

A Warrior with a Secondary Expert (lowest score D column, next-lowest score A column) 152

A Warrior with a Secondary Romantic (lowest score D column, next-lowest score B column) 154

A Warrior with a Secondary Mastermind (lowest score D column, next-lowest score C column) 157

Extracting Me Worksheet 159

Chapter 15: An Example of Punching Down Your Own Style 161

Analyzing My Assessment 163

Part Four: The Vintage

Chapter 16: Veraison: The Evolution of Me 171

A Shift in Perspective 174

Holy &#!* 176

Identifying Your Veraison 180

Chapter 17: Age-Worthy: Maintaining the Best Me 183

Becoming Better with Age 184

An Endless Appetite for Learning 185

Civil Conversations for Understanding Different Perspectives 189

Aging Well Physically 193

A Plan for Greater Achievement 195

Epilogue: Uncorking Me 197

Extracting Me Worksheet 199

About the Author 209

Index 211