#1
"...be both non-threatening and non-threatened." This quote from the book is my new mantra. Actually, it's a clearly-worded formulation of my general approach to life, social interaction, and conflict. But like so much in this volume, the clarity it brings to my thoughts and feelings is empowering.
Each of us has different roles in life. Some of mine include husband, father, and employee at a large public institution. In each of these roles, I have been confronted with angry individuals and conflict. Like the time someone rear-ended me while my 4 year old was in the car, and that driver tried to escalate the situation in front of my son...
This book outlines why people become aggressive, and charts out how we can consciously recognize warning signs of people's behavior that can escalate from aggression, to anger, to rage, and - at the extreme - to violence.
Having a clear framework for understanding motivations and behaviors gives you more control when suddenly confronted by aggression. But on top of that, this book gives clear methods for not only recognizing what's going on, but also for dealing with the different behaviors that can invade our lives.
One of the real eye-openers for me was the explanation of why one shouldn't ask an angry person, "What's wrong?" And why techniques for dealing with an angry person are not right for a truly enraged person. Some of this is instinct for a lot of us, but I feel that having the clearly laid-out framework gives me a better grounding in anticipating and dealing with these kinds of situations.
Another interesting thing about this book is the attention it gives to YOU and YOUR perspective, breathing, bearing, and integrity. It's not all about the person who is confronting you. That's where this call to "be both non-threatening and non-threatened" comes in.
I was motivated to write this review here because I am already excited to share this book with my family and co-workers. The more people have this information, the safer -- non-threatening and non-threatened -- we'll all be.
#2
This interesting and well researched and written book offers a working professional's learned insight to de-escalating aggressive individuals, but more than that, it provides a nice guide for ordinary people to find a calm center when dealing with angry and aggressive people. Amdur holds all the necessary academic and professional credentials, not to mention a lifelong study and practice in the Japanese art of Aikido. A sought after national and international Martial Arts instructor he teaches Taikyoku Aikido, offering another approach to dealing with aggressive people. This book surprised me on a few levels and I highly recommend it to those looking to find better ways of dealing with angry and aggressive people and, more so, ourselves.
#3
Very useful self defense information involving how to posture oneself for self defense when dealing with aggressive people, how to breathe and center onself so as to release personal tension and anxiety after encountering such a person,
and how to speak to such people. The author provides a useful twist on the standard art of listening method taught in most books and courses on listening skills. This useful twist reduces the aggressiveness of the other person and is yet another tool to prevent an attack from one. Highly recommended!
